don't be the "if only I knew then..." kinda gal. then is now! (men that means you too)

I get asked a lot why I choose to write, speak or train with a focus on women. This always surprises me because is kind of like asking me "why I'm single". It implies that something is wrong with focusing on women and wrong that I am single. 

NOT MY BABY! Otis is purely borrowed for demonstration purposes. but seriously how cute is he. he thinks I am the "shiznit"

NOT MY BABY! Otis is purely borrowed for demonstration purposes. but seriously how cute is he. he thinks I am the "shiznit"

I speak to everyone and yes, often my content has a focus about women and/or for women. I do this because contrary to what people want to believe I think there is a difference between men and women and I think that the expectations put on women far outweigh those of men. (I do not expect everyone to agree with me on this, but it is my truth). When I go out and speak, I feel validated in my hypothesis by the multitude of comments, questions and exclamations brought to me by the women in the audience.

I get asked quite a lot of questions but there is one very common thread in all of them. Almost every woman I meet asks me some sort of question that ties into this idea of being "the perfect woman" or how to do it all, how did I get to do what I do. In contrast most of the questions I receive from men in the audience are about networking.


Apparently "having it all" first became part of the cultural lexicon in 1982. To learn more about the complicated history of the idea of having it all check out this great article " The Complicated Origins of Having it All" in the New York Times January 2015.

Apparently "having it all" first became part of the cultural lexicon in 1982. To learn more about the complicated history of the idea of having it all check out this great article " The Complicated Origins of Having it All" in the New York Times January 2015.

 

where & when did women start believing that they should try to "have it all" anyways? 

When attempting to find a picture of this book, I plugged in the words "having it all" into Amazon and got 20 pages of books with a similar or the same title. Wow, we really do think we need to do this, don't we?

A small sampling of the books I found on "having it all"

A small sampling of the books I found on "having it all"


Apparently as we have moved forward with "women's lib" and the "feminist movement" we have also moved towards the feeling of needing to do it all. So many women fought for our right to have options, it seems that we took that to mean we need to take all the options out there. It's kind of like the first time a kid goes trick-or-treating when they come home and eat chocolate until they get sick. (rookies)

Modern technology gives us the illusion of being able to do it all because we have these little machines to "make it easier". Boy is that a misconception. If any thing it has added MORE things to do in order to "have it all". it basically introduced us to a whole new world with its own set of rules for what makes us Superwoman. It has created more pressure than ever before. It is this pressure that motivated me to write this post. 

What happens when that pressure gets in the way of our lives? What happens when we aren't really living anymore, we are just doing?

"spend more time "being" & less time doing"

we are under the influence of an unattainable standard

we are under the influence of an unattainable standard

As women have gotten more educated it's as if there is some sort of imaginary starter pistol that goes off and BAM! we are on the hunt.  A sense of responsibility and a drive to be successful. And we are putting a timeline on it too. The average American woman gets married around 26 years of age. When a woman goes to college she gets married much later and there is a perception that they have less time to get things going. Husband, babies, career they all have to be rolling along before a certain age or....

I don't actually know what the "OR" is and I'm guessing you don't either. It probably has something to do with FOMO (Fear of missing out). We aren't missing out on anything though. I do not claim to be an expert but I don't think we are missing out on anything,

unless...

We continue to try and "have it all". When we try this, we miss out on so much of life. We get so caught with a to do list that we don't get to experience much of the joy or benefits of what we are doing. We have lost the ability to just...

stand still.

In honor of standing still I am sharing the below video. My mother had me watch it and it really is a beautiful reminder of what is really important.

Let's not be "if I knew then" kinda gals. Let's do what makes us happy, content, at peace with ourselves and the world we have built around us.

The view is beautiful, I promise. As the video says...make it your mission to

relax, breathe and just...let go!


SOURCES:

2015 Sanctuary Survey Sample 1,064

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/08/26/gender-gap-canada_n_3779965.html