advice

a lot of you want a job but you don't want to work. are you gonna step up and be charles barkley or what?

Recently, the entire basketball community was saddened to hear that a revered NBA player by the name of Moses Malone passed away. Malone was named one of the NBA's 50 greatest players.

Charles Barkley who played with him in the beginning of his career in Philadelphia was asked to speak at the funeral.  During his eulogy he spoke of the role Malone took in his career and called him a father to him. He made quite a few humorous remarks from their days together but there was one piece of advice that Charles received that stood out the most to me. Malone was chastising Barkley for his laziness. When Charles protested this assumption, Malone told him the following:

a lot of you want a job (career) but you don’t want to work.
— Moses Malone - NBA Hall of Famer

The advice is simple and each of us at some point in our life may have received some sort of similar advice but I wonder if we have really heard this for what it is meant to be. It is mean to be a call to action. 

Suddenly it seems we have a culture of laziness in our country. People have higher expectations and are more optimistic than any other time in history. Apparently as a country we have raised confident and optimistic children. The country has also produced a very lazy work force. These two wouldn't seem like they go together but the truth is that the confidence that has been created has developed completely independent of the idea of work. 

With the advent of microwaves, computers and cell phones, our society waits for nothing. The answer to virtually every single question is at our fingertips in ways it has never been before. Nobody has to actually be patient anymore. Because of this, people expect success and money to come quick. The focus is now on labels and dollars. 

Today people are anxious to move ahead, to make more money, have a fancy title, receive perks etc. Generally in my experience there are three types of people in the workplace

  • money is the priority

  • titles and forward movement are the priority

  • head down, work hard and hope someones gives me an opportunity

the first two groups tend to be the squeakiest wheels of the group. They were taught to speak up and ask for what they wanted, they were told they were the best, they were told that anything is possible  

they had money and all that goes with that. This is not to imply that everyone is rich but parents of the last couple of generations worked hard to provide their children with things they never had so 5 year olds have i-phones and i-pads. High school kids wear designer labels as the rule instead of the exception now. 

Very few have heard the word no.

I originally wrote this post weeks ago and put it on hold because I know it may be controversial so let me clarify something...not all "millenials" are like this...not all parents coddle their children...no all who never hear the word no end up being lazy. But as a general society/culture I think we can all agree that there is a marked difference between the world we live in today and that of the past when we talk about work ethic and effort. I don't blame parents, teachers or anyone else. I blame the computer, the cell phone, social media...yup I said it. The reason that people don't know the difference between hard work and a sense of entitlement is simple, they don't have to. When everything is so easily accessible things like that get swept away. 

How do we then convince people that laziness isn't in their best interest and that they do in fact have to "work for" whatever it is they want? I'm going to share a little secret with you, as with most of the the things I write about, I have no idea the answer to this question. I can only share my experience. My experience, just like yours is the most amazing tool for education, here are a few of the things it has taught me. 

Mentors change everything - Just like Charles, I too have had people call me out on my crap and when someone you respect and admire does that, it does something to you. I mean, Harry would have been nothing without Dumbledore and I think we all know that.

Who is your Dumbledore?


Never underestimate the power of a good failure - yeah yeah yeah...Jordan failed a million times and didn't make his high school team...blah blah blah. It's easy to spout out quotes like that but the most driven people take failure as a personal affront...they get mad and instead of taking out on someone else they use it to challenge themselves for the next big thing...

what wonder has occurred because of you failing?


People are always worried about Bob. "What about Bob?" What Bob is doing is none of your business. Do you want to be average or do you want to be amazing? If it is the latter then why would you compare what Bob "gets" away with or does to you? Who cares what he does? It matters what you do and if you spend a chunk of your time worry about Bob, you get less done.

more like "who cares about bob", am I right?


Some people just have bad taste. It's true...I mean did you know there are people out there who DO NOT like ice-cream? I mean how is that even possible? If people can turn down the creamy deliciousness that is mint chocolate chip then obviously those people might not think you are so great either. But like I said, not everyone has good taste so just on't get them something the next time you are in the Baskin Robbins drive-thru line. (YES they do have those.)

do you care if they like your flavor?


so I guess the real question is...

do you want to be Charles Barkley or do you want to be a Carl Herrera?

(no offense Carl, sure you're a stand up dude.)

but the answer is always gonna be...

always be charles barkley

in my book anyway.


so, who are you gonna be? tell me below...

 


sometimes facebook just knows that if you had a cat you'd name him maurice

I can't have cats. They make me sneeze. But I would like to think that if I DID in fact have a cat, I would be cool enough to name it "Maurice" I mean let's be honest, that is the coolest cat name ever.

I can't have cats. They make me sneeze. But I would like to think that if I DID in fact have a cat, I would be cool enough to name it "Maurice" I mean let's be honest, that is the coolest cat name ever.

I saw this video online yesterday in between videos of babies laughing and cats doing weird cat things. Yes, suddenly I am a cat video watcher and yes, I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

Anyway...


This video showed up in the "you might also like" section and so I though, hmm maybe Facebook DOES really know me and clicked on the play button.

This video asks the question "what would you tell your younger self?" But that question is asked all the time, so what makes this video any better?

You'll see...


Amazing, right?

this is basically advice you should take at all times, if you ask me....this 8 year old already has life figured out with just those two words..

this is basically advice you should take at all times, if you ask me....this 8 year old already has life figured out with just those two words..

After watching I couldn't help but think, "Why do we wait so long to speak the lesson out loud?" Do you think any of these people had thought about giving their selves permission to follow this sage advice before they were asked to be part of this video? I'm guessing not. Mainly because when I tried to think about what advice I would give to "last year's me", it too me a minute. But again, WHY?

How many of us need to hear this time and time again?

How many of us need to hear this time and time again?

We are learning all of the time but we go so fast, it takes us WAY to long to get what we were supposed to get out of things. We are all guilty of concentrating too hard on giving everyone ELSE advice and not working out the advice we should give to ourselves. I can wholeheartedly cop up to that. I'm not proud of it but I do know I am not alone.

So I wanted to make some sort of commitment to myself that would allow me to start talking to myself, forgiving myself and reminding myself of what I can let go of and what I should hold on tighter to. To myself and to you I say, let's slow down and take a minute, just one little tiny minute to think about what our life taught us in the last year (shoot, last week or even yesterday) and figure out how we can use it moving forward. Here is my first attempt...

to my 38 year old self I say this:

screw the people who tear you down and underestimate you. It can only mean one thing...

they clearly don’t know you very well!
— Signed a 39 Year Old

I wonder if the makers of this video realized that by doing this I have now displayed my age for all the world to see. Great, guess I'm gonna have to pull out my Aliyah CD's next year and tell my 39 year old self that "Age Ain't Nothing But a Number"


so thank you Facebook, for telling me what you think I would like today. Not only did I like this video but it was the perfect video at the perfect time. I love when that happens.

It's KISMET. oh and since you are so cool and read this I'll give you a tip...Come back Wednesday to hear a little more about Kismet. I think you'll like it and don't be selfish, share the wealth and tell your friends. We are trying to start a movement here. Sharing positive content and building people up. Now, that is something to get behind.

OH and don't forget to play along...tell me in the comments what you would tell your "last year's self"

karaoke when you get the chance but do us all a favor and don't sing

The week has come to an end and with it, the last you will have to hear of my advice. Hopefully one or more of these tips will help you or someone you love. If you missed the first two posts, check them out.

sisterly advice part 1

sisterly advice part 2

and now onto part 3 and the final installment of sisterly advice.

always sit at the bar

If you are dining with 2 people or less you should always follow this rule. You would also have to make sure to put your phone away. You will meet the most amazing people and probably even have one of the best nights of your life.


when in doubt, dance it out

yes, that is me in the horse head...sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, which leads right into the next piece of advice...

yes, that is me in the horse head...sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, which leads right into the next piece of advice...

That’s what Christina Yang would do and Shondra Rhymes is a genius so I'm rolling with it.


enjoy this time because it is fleeting

I hated getting this advice too but boy is it ever true.  The best times of your life go way to fast so every now and then take a deep breath to make sure you are in the moment and enjoying every single second.  One day you will look back on this time and tell the stories to your kids on repeat not remembering that you have already told them a million times.  This will annoy your children to no end and remind you of when your parents did it to you.  When this happens you will smile and maybe chuckle a bit.


never accept a drink from a stranger

Joe is no stranger but he still let's me take matters into my own hands every once in awhile

Joe is no stranger but he still let's me take matters into my own hands every once in awhile

Unless the following criteria is met:

  • He is Hot

  • He is Wealthy – we’re talking private jet wealthy not fancy dinner wealthy

  • He’s Ryan Gosling – When in doubt accept anything Ryan Gosling offers you

  • You’re broke and can’t afford a drink on your own

  • You are really really thirsty

In the case of any of the above go ahead, accept the drink just make sure to ALWAYS watch it being made by the bartender

**SIDENOTE:  If it is Ryan Gosling buying you the drink, I bet you will be happy you followed my underpants advice. I'm just saying.


if you have to karaoke, DO IT, but never sing

Look, unless you are like legit and people other than your relatives and friends have told you that, singing is a bad idea. Nobody really listens anyway. AND, when people are nervous at karaoke they always sing slow depressing songs. WTH? you are supposed to be out having fun, getting the crowd involved, showing them what you got. SO...I advice rapping. Choose a song completely opposite of who you are and let it rip. People will dance, they will cheer you on and it won't matter what you sound like.

So there you have it 15, pieces of advice that I have tried to instill in my younger siblings and now to you.Since you stayed till the end I decided to give you a little bonus piece of advice.

be nice to your big sister. 

She is the best friend you will ever have and would lay down her life for you. She watched even when you got the mexican pizza and she didn't and yet she still helped you put the hot sauce on it. She throws you slumber parties when you are a pre-teen and takes you out for a drink on your 21st. She will give you the best gifts, make you laugh by doing ridiculous things and she will do whatever you need, whenever you need it. YES, she is probably a little bossy, and sometimes too over-protective but it is all out of her love for you. So give her a break and maybe a hug every once in awhile.

never trust a man in a shiny shirt & more sisterly advice

Oh, hey! Couldn't get enough of the sisterly advice so you came back? YES? NO? IF no then go back and read it so you can catch up. What are you waiting for?sisterly advice part 1

And now for part 2 and the next 5 tips...

never go to a doctor whose office plants have died

The meaning behind this should be obvious.  I mean, dead plants probably equal a few dead patients or so, but heck what do I know.

As a side note, this does not however mean you are expected to keep plants alive.  Jeez, you're young and busy.  Who has time to keep fancy plants alive?  Pick up a cactus and call it a day.


never compare your inside with someone else’s outside

People are liars.  They pretend all of the time.  It isn’t right but it is reality.  If you know what you want based on you and only you, it is easy to stop the comparison game.  Who cares what the Kardashian’s are wearing or what Diddy is driving.  Eventually they’re all going to try and copy your style anyway so as Kevin Hart would say “stay in your own lane”  that is how you will win the race.


never trust a man in a shiny shirt

I actually tell any and everyone I know this piece of advice and some simply laughed it off.  But I am here to tell you this is solid advice.It shows poor judgement to dress like that so it begs the question "where else do they show bad judgement?"

It is up to you to judge the level of shininess to allow but below is what I deem as off limits:

shiny shirts are always a bad idea

shiny shirts are always a bad idea

  • Sequins

  • Gold lame

  • Crushed velvet

  • Leather – either as a shirt of pants – vest and jackets are okay in most instances

  • Feathers

  • Ed Hardy and brands like it.


yes, those are pretty amazing underoos that I am wearing

yes, those are pretty amazing underoos that I am wearing

always wear clean underpants

Mother's have been saying it for years and I am convinced thy are right. You should also take special care to ensure you can lunge in them. It allows you to be ready for anything that the day brings

BONUS ADVICE:  Maybe don't lunge in your underroos while wearing a super hero outfit and let people take pictures


never play truth or dare unless you are willing to be completely naked

no further description needed and no picture either. Jeez, just who do you think I am?

Ok, that was your second chance to take some pretty good sisterly advice. Come back Friday for the final 5 and share it with others. We can all use a little advice now and then. Pick your faves or share them all.

when forced to choose, always choose mexican pizza & other sisterly advice

I am a big sister to 5 younger siblings. There is 15 years that separate me, as the oldest from the youngest. We are a very tight knit group and of course as any birth order research will tell you, I am the caretaker of the group. This means I am often sought out for some advice.

I recently came a cross a letter I had written for my sister as she moved across the country to start a new adventure. As I read the letter, it dawned on me that some of the advice I provided would be good to share with some others, so I borrowed some of it and am sharing it with you.  

it may not look like much here, but when you have only ever had the option to split regular tacos with your siblings and then one day the baby of the family orders a mexican pizza as if that is okay, trust me you want a mexican pizza.

it may not look like much here, but when you have only ever had the option to split regular tacos with your siblings and then one day the baby of the family orders a mexican pizza as if that is okay, trust me you want a mexican pizza.

When forced to make a choice; always choose Mexican pizza.

The taco vs. Mexican pizza dilemma has plagued many for years (at least in my family household it has.) When you choose Mexican pizza, you are saying “hey world, I do not accept your pre-set standards and rules, I make my own” and I deserve something different, something better, something more expensive than $.79.

sometimes the load is too heavy for one person,  ask for help then pay them back with a beer or some kool-aid

sometimes the load is too heavy for one person,  ask for help then pay them back with a beer or some kool-aid

Never be afraid to ask for help

We get it, you are an independent woman/man and you want to prove yourself by doing everything on your own but the biggest lesson to learn is that it is impossible to have it all and do it all without asking for a little help along the way.  It is ok to be lonely, to be weak, to need a comforting word, a cup of sugar or help carrying your groceries.  Everything is cyclical so just imagine all the goodwill that you are putting out in the world simply by giving someone else the chance to be of service to you.

Close your legs not your heart

I am not trying to call you a person of questionable morals.  Sometimes as we grow up and sh*t gets real, because you are embarking on an adult life friends can change, responsibilities grow and all of that can leave you feeling lonesome. Many people better than us have tried to cure loneliness with a closed heart and open legs. I am simply implying that by opening your heart to new people and experiences you may cure the lonesome blues faster (plus it makes opening your legs a lot more fun, sorry Dad).  

ok, so maybe this picture is cheating a bit but I said take the pictures, I didn't say you had to post them on the internet

ok, so maybe this picture is cheating a bit but I said take the pictures, I didn't say you had to post them on the internet

Take lots of pictures in your bathing suit

 Seriously, do you know how amazing your body looks in your twenties and thirties?  Trust me, even when you feel fat and gross, you look amazing so pose for the pics as much as you can, you will thank me later.

 

 

Not everyone is going to tell you when you have toilet paper on your shoe. Luckily, some people will.

Not everyone is going to tell you when you have toilet paper on your shoe. Luckily, some people will.

Not everyone is your friend

You are the best friend a person could ever ask for but sometimes you are everyone’s best friend and nobody is doing the same for you in return.  One of the best lessons you can prepare yourself for in life, is knowing that some people are just associates.  Friends, as it happens are actually quite rare.  Knowing that some people are in your life to lead you to something, somewhere or someone else and knowing how to identify them along the way will lead you to better friendships that are real and lifelong.

This means knowing what friendship means for you.  Not what you think you should do, but what do you really want from someone you call friend.  Learn it now and seek it out.

This doesn’t mean all of those other people can’t be in your life, it just means the expectations are different and you should know the difference. And, maybe look down at your shoes for toilet paper when leaving a public restroom.

I decided to make this a series this week. So check back on Wednesday for 5 more pieces of vital life advice from my siblings big sister to you. (that's me by the way) so I guess I'll see you Wednesday.

 

time to turn it on

It is time for us to turn it up a notch on our manifesto's. I know I took a little break and for that you have my apologies. The truth is I hit a road block while building mine. 

I had gathered images, quotes, different pieces of inspiration but it didn't feel right. Has there ever happened to you? You are cruising, everything is going great and then.

 

You go blank. Well that has been me for the last couple of weeks when ever my manifesto came to mind.  I felt like I had let you all down until I realized that this was probably a very normal moment. 

Years ago I was in Vegas at a trade show. I was going through a rough time and felt a little lost. I met with a colleague from another company. She was this young, hip, stylish lady who just seemed like she had it all together. We sipped on margaritas as she listened to my sad story of the moment. Once I completed, she looked up from her straw and said

"dawne, you just need to recalibrate."

Recalibrate, what a great word. In case you are wondering, I have a small little obsession with words. I even offer a session called "5 Words" that focuses on how words can set you up for success.

Remembering that moment, I realized that maybe that was exactly what I needed to do regarding my manifesto. I needed to recalibrate and take a moment to redirect my efforts. I did a little meditation session, took a few walks, reading books, writing in my journal and being at peace with the fact that for the time being I wasn't working on my manifesto, in fact I wasn't working on much at all. At first I felt guilty, then I realized if this is what I needed then I should feel guilty if I DIDN'T do it.

Now I realize, not everyone can just "take a break" from their life, especially for a manifesto project they read about on a blog. But a break, doesn't have to be a week or even a full day, but it is crucial that we all recognize when we NEED to take a moment and recalibrate. How you do it is irrelevant, it just matters that you do it. Most of us get so worked up and busy with the daily rigmarole of our lives that suddenly we look up and realize we are sick, tired, unhappy and a host of other awful words that don't describe the life we imagined.

So for this Friday, I want to tell you that we are back on track with our manifesto project. There is no specific timeline we need to follow, it is pretty free flowing. The one thing I do ask of everyone, is that you take a moment. Don't wait to take it until it is urgent. Try to figure out a space in your day/week to take a moment for you. Use it to do what works for you, maybe it's a walk, maybe it's a bath, maybe it's a pedicure. It doesn't matter. Take it and while you are doing it remember...

no guilt!

taking care of ourselves should always be a number one priority. 

We can not truly make anyone else a priority if we don't first make ourselves one. It. sounds cliche, I realize that but sometimes those cliche's were created for a reason. What I feel pretty confident about thought is the following:

When you put yourself first other's reap the rewards. 

a red rubber ball, coffee breaks and other musings

I thought I would end this week talking about advice. Advice can be tricky. Everyone has an opinion but what really makes you listen to one person more than another?

I am not sure I have a "real psychologically proven" answer for you on that. I can only speak from my experience. I think that the advice we take is the kind that speaks to us because our inner voice was already headed in that direction to begin with. You have probably felt it before. It is that gut feeling you get that something is just right. You have those ah-ha moments that Oprah always talks about. 

man i love those moments

I had one of them years ago that feels relevant to what so many of the people who email into me are going through right now. Let me set the stage for you.

It was the late 90's, early 00's. I worked at Nike. Sounds like the dream, right? Yes and no. At this point I was working in customer service. If any of you have worked in customer service then you know how taxing that type of work is. You answer hundreds of calls a day and a large majority of those people are mad at you. I mean technically it isn't you that they're mad at but they are focusing all of that anger at you. The only way to explain it is to just say it.

it sucks

On a random Friday while I was on the job, our team was called in to a meeting in the Steve Prefontaine building. Most of us entering the room had a bad attitude. It wasn't that we wanted to feel that way, but the job had gotten to us. They brought in a man by the name of Kevin Carroll. If you have never heard of him before, don't fear. I will share one of his videos after this post. Kevin Carroll is an amazing person who's job title is simply "katalyst".

catalyst - noun
a person or thing that precipitates an event or change:

a person whose talk, enthusiasm, or energy causes others to be more friendly, enthusiastic, or energetic.
— dictionary.com

Ok, first of all can we just talk about what an awesome word that is? My goal is to one day be a catalyst for change in this world. I want to make the world a better place. So does Kevin. 

Back to the story...

On this particular day, our managers had brought Kevin in to motivate us. He did that. He did it in a way that in it's entirety would not translate for anyone who wasn't there. But there was this one part...

I am paraphrasing but, he said some version of the following: "If you are unhappy with what is going on then you need to take a look at your situation and make a decision. Look at what you are doing and ask yourself,

"is this my life?"

"is this what I want to do?"

"is my job the whole of who I am or one part?"

or

"is this a coffee break on the way to what I want to do?"

It was that simple. Instantly my eyes flooded with tears. While I do enjoy a good cry, these tears surprised me. I was in the first row so of course Kevin saw my tears, which was quite frankly mortifying. In that moment though I felt connected to him and what he was saying. It wasn't even the meat of what he was talking about. It was this small side note that just resonated with me so strongly. The meeting ended and I am sure I eagerly approached him afterwards and blubbered something incoherent. Afterwards, I went home and I started to image...what if? 

Those words he spoke started me on a completely different path. Look, change didn't happen over night. Trust me, I still had a lot of battle scars to endure but this was the "CATALYST" for the journey. I am still on that journey but I have figured out what I want to do. I stopped taking so many coffee breaks and I am working towards my purpose.

So in an effort to be some small form of a catalyst for others, I ask you this?

is this your life?

is this what you want to do?

OR

is this a coffee break on the way?

what is your red rubber ball?

Put the coffee down, leave the coffee shop. It's time to get to work. It is time to do what you are are meant to do. Stay tuned because Monday we talk about the "naysayers, haters and confused admirer's" and learn how to fight them off as we chase our own "red rubber ball". Till Then, have a safe Fourth of July weekend.

 

P.S. Kevin Carroll speaks all around the world. His focus is on the idea of PLAY and how play can change the world. His mission surrounds a story of a red rubber ball and a never say never disposition. To learn more, check out Kevin's website

http://www.kevincarrollkatalyst.com/ 

P.PS. I want to clarify that I am NOT endorsing this Where Dreams Meet Reality group that sponsored these videos. I am not familiar with them in anyway and tried to research them but found no site available. So ignore the parts that speak to that and really listen to the message Kevin is providing. That is what I am speaking to.

SOURCES:

Image source: http://stephanieoduenyi.blogspot.com/2012/08/another-plus-for-oprah-as-her-favorite.html