life coach

goals require you put some skin in the game

I know I should have shared my goals with you before the 1st of the year and for that I apologize. If I am being honest, I started to a number of times but realized that like me, most of you probably were busy with friends and family and the hullabaloo that comes with the holiday and might not have the time to read blogs. So, I made the choice to wait until things settled a bit. 

This last step in the process is a little intense so I decided to only share with you one goal from each of my areas of focus. This way, you would be able to see the depth of information you should assign to each goal without getting mired in reading a 20 page blog entry.  


Health & Wellness

To Lose 25 Pounds by April 6, 2016

Goal:


Walk 10,000 steps or more each day

Eat 9 fruits or vegetables daily

No Fast Food

Quantify Outcome BE SPECIFIC:

 

 


to reduce sickness and allergy outbreaks

to be a better example to parents of why health is key

to boost self estee

Attach a Why:

 

 

Holding my breath for the inspection this week. - Image Source:    Redfin

Holding my breath for the inspection this week. - Image Source: Redfin


financial stability, growth & flexibility

Buy a house by April 2016

Goal:


Work directly with financial adviser to allocate funds accordingly

limit wasteful spending - less trips to Target (sad but necessary)

Quantify Outcome BE SPECIFIC:

 

 


to create a home base (stability)

investment for future

To stop using frivolous spending as a creature comfort

Attach a Why:

Day of the Girl with Girls Inc. PNW. - Image Source:    @2015 d-talx llc. www.dawnehanks.com

Day of the Girl with Girls Inc. PNW. - Image Source: @2015 d-talx llc. www.dawnehanks.com


purpose & passion

To book 5-10 speaking opportunities by June 2016

Goal:


Research local organizations, schools & universities for opportunities

Reach out to contacts with press-kit

build video profile on gigsalad and other speaker & experience forums

start writing

Quantify Outcome BE SPECIFIC:


Create base audience for expansion

build experience and connections

opportunity to live my dream

this is where the dream starts - it is the conduit for all other changes & opportunities to happen

Attach a Why:


love & relationships

NOTE: This was the most difficult one for me to work on this year and to share in a public forum. Because of this it may seem the least thought out. Please understand that it is very thought out but I am still working on understanding what this means for me. Like most things in life, it is a serious work in progress.

Meaningful conversations and meetings with loved ones monthly

Goal:


Talk to people, don't rely on text

Work to meet new people

Call and meet "just because"

no technology distractions

Quantify Outcome BE SPECIFIC:


It's no fun being alone and harder to maintain friendships as we age and people get married and have kids

find someone to share experiences, travel etc. with

to open up and trust more - being open to experiences and people

Attach a Why:


There you have it. A goal for each of my areas of focus in 2016. Hopefully this helps you commit your goals to paper and get 2016 off to a great start. Thanks for sticking with the 31 day goal setting challenge and sharing your experiences with me in the comments, emails and in social media. 2015 was a strange and interesting year. There were a lot of changes in my life with health and work and even location but I know like most storms, clear skies are ahead. Thank you for sticking with me and showing interest in what I have to say and helping be a witness to my adventure. Looking forward to great things in 2016.

eww...verbal diarrhea is so not cool (seriously dude, it's not a good look)

I should start this post by coming clean. I am so guilty of this that my picture should probably be next to the definition in Webster's Dictionary. 

It is because of the fact that I am basically an expert in this that I can give advice on why it is just not cool. First, let me explain. Verbal diarrhea sounds pretty gross. It is supposed to. You have experienced it before I'm sure. It is when someone feels they have to speak about everything and they just keep talking and adding so much information that it causes a mental overload in the people who are listening. Once they are done talking, you actually feel like they just threw up (their words) all over you and now you want to take a shower because you just feel gross.

One of my motto's has always been to stand up, speak up; stand out, speak out. so you can imagine why this one might be a struggle for me. In the workplace there are generally three types of people in a conference room.

  • the person who diligently takes notes and nods their head from time to time but says very little

  • the person who participates sparingly and calculated, waiting first for what the boss and everyone is going to say

  • then there are the people that have to speak so bad that they sometimes have to sit on their hands to stop themselves from jumping in

that's me

yes I like to talk and yes I have a perspective and opinion and I suppose I just feel like if I don't say anything nobody will know that. This by the way is perfectly normal and acceptable. When it gets to be too much is when it starts to backfire against you. I am also very fond of the saying

You don't have to tell everyone, everything.

I am fond of it because it is something I need to be reminded of constantly. When you tell everyone everything some interesting stuff starts to come to the surface

  • you start to become the white noise in the room

  • they stop thinking what you have to say is important or valuable to the discussion because you couldn't possibly have an opinion on everything and be right

  • people start to get antagonistic just to see if they can get you rattled

  • it doesn't create a collaborative environment

  • other group members will back up, not wanting to delve in to the discussion that you may be so passionate about for fear of getting cut off

  • you may go one step too far in what you say and kill your whole case

How does a serial verbal up-chucker move past their tendencies? 

Like most things in life, this has a simple solve. Let me explain.  Most people enter a meeting room with some sort of agenda. You want the other people in the room to buy into your idea, appreciate the work you put into something or help you get something off the ground. When you have verbal diarrhea, you come in hot, guns blazing for battle. This is before you even know if a battle is necessary, it puts people on edge.

If you prepare for the battle, however, things go differently. Understand what your goals are going to be before you head in to your next meeting, ask yourself one or more of the following questions:

have i eaten yet?

I know you're laughing at this but it's like the Snickers commercial says; "you're not yourself when you're hungry". If you're going to get people to collaborate with you then you need to be on your A game, so get something in your belly. Besides, food is amazing so why wouldn't you want to be eating all the time? 

It is also good to be well hydrated and have used the restroom, this might take a while.


who do i expect will be in the room & who do i expect will object to what i am bringing to the table?

This is sort of a "know your allies", "know your enemies" kind of approach. There is nothing worse than going to battle in the boardroom and watching someone switch sides in the middle. It throws you off you game and is often difficult to recover from so know who you are going up against. Know their arguments, position and where they are vulnerable or open to suggestion.


what is your point? what is your ultimate takeaway?

the things that almost always accompanies verbal diarrhea is panic, fear, a bad feeling in your stomach that you aren't being heard or not being understood. What if that is your own fault? What if you didn't come in with a clear idea and path to explain your position? You think that you are prepared but are you really? I will admit, I am an extremely passionate person. I will fight to the death for what I believe in with high emotions and vigor. That being said I have been in situations where someone came back with some good counterpoints and I was there with my mouth open and nothing coming out because they stumped me. I under estimated the objections to what I was bringing to the table and then wasn't prepared to argue against them. Rookie Mistake.

I guess what I am really trying to say here in WAY TOO MANY WORDS...(hard habit to break), is be aware and keep the following in mind...

  • be aware of your surroundings

  • know who you are going after

  • know what you really want to happen

  • know when you have lost your audience

  • know that sometimes silence is best

I realize I am trying to blog for the masses, but I will readily admit that this one is for me. Everyone has a journey and if you're lucky it takes a long time to get to the end. Make sure you are enjoying the view and course correcting along the way.

champions, advocates and hype-men (women)

One of my first concerts in life was a 90's dream. It was a mix of hip-hop and r&b that featured then rising stars like The Luniz, Mary J. Blige, Jodeci and Notorious BIG, if I remember correctly. Hip Hop wasn't new on the scene but it still had not reached the mainstream of pop culture the way it is today. While I listened regularly from its inception, having a visual representation to go with it besides MTV Raps and BET was new to me.

I remember when the Luniz came on the stage there was so many people with them. A few jumped off the stage and into the audience They had microphones but they were not any of the rappers from the Luniz. They weren't rapping either. It seemed like they were just yelling out random words and flinging their shirts in the air. I was so confused. Who were these extra guys? It was in that single moment I learned what the Hype Man was. 

So why am I telling you about the concerts of my youth? Because I believe we should all have our very own "hype man (woman)". Someone that lifts us up, gets us excited to "be on" and someone who keeps our momentum and energy up when it might otherwise slide. 

I am so lucky, I have a lot of good people in my corner but since it is "Woman Crush Wednesday" I thought I would tell you about one of my biggest "hype ladies". The one who keeps the music going for me. By no means is she the ONLY "hype lady I got, but I know you have other things to do besides learning all about my fabulous peeps. 

When you have more than one friend, most of the time you each play a role in each other's lives. Maybe one of you is the comedienne, one is the voice of reason, one forces you to step outside of your box and get a little crazy. This is kind of the process that adult friendships take. So, while all of my friends are awesome, my girl Krystle is most certainly my "hype woman". 

From the first time I was able to get her to "call in sick to work" (shh, don't tell anyone), I knew we were meant to be. For most of our friendship we have lived in different states but it never got in the way of our bond. She has seen me through bouts of unemployment, depression, boys and other life changing events. I have never had to worry about what I say or what I do with Krystle.

No matter what I do, she sends me emoji filled text messages telling me how amazing I am. She sends me personalized gifts to lift me up and keep me going. 

Aside from my sister's she is the only person who is down for anything and when I say anything, I mean it. Anyone who knows me or follows me on social media will know that I am all about trying new things, acting silly, costumes, wigs and photo shoots, just to name a  few of the shenanigans I have pulled her into. 

Not only does she float along with my whims but she uses those whims to lift me up. I don't know how she does it really, but she has actually made me realize that corn dogs are a part of my shtick in the world and others jumped on board. This girl is really good.

I have no idea what I have ever done to deserve this "hype lady" but in my time of transition I am so glad to have her. 

Do you have someone who you can rely on to "bless your quest", who are encourages your dream, cheers on your purpose and who champions your quest to find that primal source of joy that we all deserve.

 

P.S. I want to clarify that I am NOT endorsing this Where Dreams Meet Reality group that sponsored these videos. I am not familiar with them in anyway and tried to research them but found no site available. So ignore the parts that speak to that and really listen to the message Kevin is providing. That is what I am speaking to.

naysayers, killjoy's and confused admirer's

Happy Monday. Today I want to continue our conversation from last week in the post from Friday, "red rubber balls, coffee breaks and other musings". Today we talk about what happens when you go after your purpose. I want to talk about the part the everyone avoids, 

the haters. 

At some point in every journey you come across people who don't quite see your dream as clear as you do. Here's the thing. It's ok.

it's not their dream to understand.

WOAH! right? We spend so much of our lives worried about what everyone else will think, how they will perceive what we are doing, whether or not they will like what we do and who we are. 

who cares?

I mean it, who cares? In a perfect world, everyone would love everyone and everything they do. This isn't a perfect world and that alone makes it perfect. confusing? yes, but having naysayers more than likely means you are headed in the right direction. I am not sure why it happens but for some reason it scares people to see other people doing better than them. These people are not mean by nature and deep down they probably do want what is best for you but there is something in our chemistry (especially women) that makes us think it's either them or us. Like there is limited pool of happiness in the world and you either get a big gulp of it or nothing at all. We see other people doing well and we long to have the same success for ourselves. We start playing the good old comparison game which nobody ever wins. 

The moment of discovery can find you at any stage of life.
— Kevin Carroll

Got a little depressing there for a minute, didn't I? My bad, but I wanted to make sure you really get what I'm talking about. There is some good news though.

Are you ready for it?


The good news is that when you follow your purpose or passion, you become a megaphone to others. Living your purpose gets so loud, others can't help but hear and want to get loud themselves. I am about to rock your world but did you know that it is never to late to be happy?

there is not limit to happiness on this earth

There just isn't. Go ahead, research it. We do not have a "don't fill past this line" in us with regards to happiness. Quite frankly the only thing preventing us from being happiness is ourselves. We are scared, lazy and doubtful and so we are prime targets for the naysayers who would come and knock us down. 

But I have a secret tip for you on how to ignore the haters in your world. If you remember this one simple phrase...

Rocked your world again, didn't I? Well, I can't claim ownership of the phrase, it is actually from the video you will see below. It's perfect though. Think about it. If you realize that everyone is an admirer of what you are doing, things get really easy. Some are confused, and that is fine especially when you consider the following:

not everyone understands genius at work

normally people's negativity has nothing to do with you

not everyone is going to like you

sometimes people admire you from afar

it's your purpose not theirs

It's not always easy to ignore the haters, I get that. There is more than one time where I was crushed by someones opinion of my journey. I would get knocked around a bit but eventually I would get up. Then I started thinking about that saying... "haters are just confused admirer's". I am not saying that a little phrase will solve all of your problems but it does help to put things in perspective and sometimes a little perspective goes a long way.

Check out the second video of the series, with Kevin Carroll speaking on haters. 

Now that you know how many admirer's we have, what are you going to do about it? How are you going to plow through the confusion and going after your purpose? Tell me below in the comments. See you Wednesday when we talk about the next step, the people who lift you up on your journey. 

P.S. I want to clarify that I am NOT endorsing this Where Dreams Meet Reality group that sponsored these videos. I am not familiar with them in anyway and tried to research them but found no site available. So ignore the parts that speak to that and really listen to the message Kevin is providing. That is what I am speaking to.