new york times

i'm in the pursuit of magic and writer's block sucks

I have been staring at a blank screen for a few hours now. On a number of occasions i have written a sentence or a paragraph only to hit the backspace button while taking a deep exasperated breath. Such is the journey of writer's block.

writer's block sucks

the condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing
— google

it sucks even more when you are trying to remain consistent with a blog. I decided not to erase the last paragraph but of course then I was stuck again. So I decided to research writers block. During my research I found a pretty cool article about the different types of writer's block called "The 10 Types of Writers Block (and How to Overcome Them)". 

score

Maybe I won't find anything to write about but at least I might be able to figure out why. Instantly, I recognized my issue...Number 2 on the list "You have a Ton of Ideas but Can't Commit to Any of them and They Peter Out". 

story of my life

When you write a blog, you write each entry separately. On the left side of my screen is a list of all of my blog posts and at least 1/3 of them are started but unfinished blog posts on a variety of different topics. The idea is not the problem. It's just once I start writing, often times the thought doesn't fully come together in a way that wouldn't be utterly embarrassing for you to read, so I leave it there and hope that I can come back later and turn it into something that doesn't suck. 

My situation 20 minutes ago, or maybe an hour ago, it is kind of all blurring together at this point.

My situation 20 minutes ago, or maybe an hour ago, it is kind of all blurring together at this point.

So I read this article in the hope that it would tell me what to do. Guess what? It didn't. It basically told me told me what I am already doing. Apparently I am totally ahead of the game and know exactly what I am doing. Well, that is a first. It also does not help in this moment.

Apparently, writer's block is a pretty common thing and obviously not really something you can pin a date on as to when/where it originated but apparently the term writers block came about in academic literature some time in the 1940's by a psychiatrist named Edmund Bergler. In fact, Bergler went on to research writers block and wrote a paper on it in 1950 called "Does Writer's Block Exist?" The basic premise is that a writers is working to solve their inner problems by writing. This actually makes sense to me. It is like a lot of different creative outlets. You work through your issues by getting your creative juices flowing. He posited that a blocked writer could use therapy to become un-blocked.  The idea being that you figure out the psychological struggle and you unlock the ability to write.  Later research seems to confirm this. A lot of this later reserach shows blocked writers were often unhappy, anxious or depressed and all sorts of other things that claim to be the source of the block.

This is where I got a little lost. I get how being unhappy, anxious or depressed could cause writers block, it isn't that but if writing is your creative outlet, well then...

it is your therapy

Here is the thing though. Writing a book or a manuscript is a lot different than writing a blog. Writing something in long form is an intense process. It more than likely takes over your life. Writing a blog, I suppose could do the same thing but it is different. Depending on how often you post you have to come up with new and exciting topics that will make someone one want to continue to check in and care about what you are writing about.

not really doing a great job of that in this post right now I realize...sorry about that

If I waited for perfection I would never write a word
— Margaret Atwood

But telling stories is in fact my therapy and whether it is in writing or verbal story telling it fills the void. My problem isn't that I am unhappy and blocked, it is that I am seeking perfection. within reason of course. I say within reason because I am not a writer at heart, I didn't study English or journalism. I very rarely remember the grammar rules of a semi-colon and I probably use the wrong adjectives all of the time. The perfection I seek isn't in the writing as much as it is in the way the content is received.  I feel a responsibility to the content I choose to post. It is important to me that there is a purpose to what I write. I want the stories I tell to create a spark. What happens then is up to you but if I can somehow create the spark then...well then that is where the magic is.

i'm looking for magic

and that is why writer's block sucks so bad. I am in pursuit of magic here people and having a block is not helping. This is where you come in...that's right, I am bringing you into my block.

What would you like to read about? It can be about anything as long as it is positive in nature. Give me some ideas in the comments below.

SOURCE: 

http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/how-to-beat-writers-block

http://www.9bridges.org/overcoming-writers-block/

don't be the "if only I knew then..." kinda gal. then is now! (men that means you too)

I get asked a lot why I choose to write, speak or train with a focus on women. This always surprises me because is kind of like asking me "why I'm single". It implies that something is wrong with focusing on women and wrong that I am single. 

NOT MY BABY! Otis is purely borrowed for demonstration purposes. but seriously how cute is he. he thinks I am the "shiznit"

NOT MY BABY! Otis is purely borrowed for demonstration purposes. but seriously how cute is he. he thinks I am the "shiznit"

I speak to everyone and yes, often my content has a focus about women and/or for women. I do this because contrary to what people want to believe I think there is a difference between men and women and I think that the expectations put on women far outweigh those of men. (I do not expect everyone to agree with me on this, but it is my truth). When I go out and speak, I feel validated in my hypothesis by the multitude of comments, questions and exclamations brought to me by the women in the audience.

I get asked quite a lot of questions but there is one very common thread in all of them. Almost every woman I meet asks me some sort of question that ties into this idea of being "the perfect woman" or how to do it all, how did I get to do what I do. In contrast most of the questions I receive from men in the audience are about networking.


Apparently "having it all" first became part of the cultural lexicon in 1982. To learn more about the complicated history of the idea of having it all check out this great article    " The Complicated Origins of Having it All" in the New York Times January 2015.

Apparently "having it all" first became part of the cultural lexicon in 1982. To learn more about the complicated history of the idea of having it all check out this great article " The Complicated Origins of Having it All" in the New York Times January 2015.

 

where & when did women start believing that they should try to "have it all" anyways? 

When attempting to find a picture of this book, I plugged in the words "having it all" into Amazon and got 20 pages of books with a similar or the same title. Wow, we really do think we need to do this, don't we?

A small sampling of the books I found on "having it all"

A small sampling of the books I found on "having it all"


Apparently as we have moved forward with "women's lib" and the "feminist movement" we have also moved towards the feeling of needing to do it all. So many women fought for our right to have options, it seems that we took that to mean we need to take all the options out there. It's kind of like the first time a kid goes trick-or-treating when they come home and eat chocolate until they get sick. (rookies)

Modern technology gives us the illusion of being able to do it all because we have these little machines to "make it easier". Boy is that a misconception. If any thing it has added MORE things to do in order to "have it all". it basically introduced us to a whole new world with its own set of rules for what makes us Superwoman. It has created more pressure than ever before. It is this pressure that motivated me to write this post. 

What happens when that pressure gets in the way of our lives? What happens when we aren't really living anymore, we are just doing?

"spend more time "being" & less time doing"

we are under the influence of an unattainable standard

we are under the influence of an unattainable standard

As women have gotten more educated it's as if there is some sort of imaginary starter pistol that goes off and BAM! we are on the hunt.  A sense of responsibility and a drive to be successful. And we are putting a timeline on it too. The average American woman gets married around 26 years of age. When a woman goes to college she gets married much later and there is a perception that they have less time to get things going. Husband, babies, career they all have to be rolling along before a certain age or....

I don't actually know what the "OR" is and I'm guessing you don't either. It probably has something to do with FOMO (Fear of missing out). We aren't missing out on anything though. I do not claim to be an expert but I don't think we are missing out on anything,

unless...

We continue to try and "have it all". When we try this, we miss out on so much of life. We get so caught with a to do list that we don't get to experience much of the joy or benefits of what we are doing. We have lost the ability to just...

stand still.

In honor of standing still I am sharing the below video. My mother had me watch it and it really is a beautiful reminder of what is really important.

Let's not be "if I knew then" kinda gals. Let's do what makes us happy, content, at peace with ourselves and the world we have built around us.

The view is beautiful, I promise. As the video says...make it your mission to

relax, breathe and just...let go!


SOURCES:

2015 Sanctuary Survey Sample 1,064

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/08/26/gender-gap-canada_n_3779965.html