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flash mobs, score boards, modern romance and job hunting

I'm reading a new book about modern romance. Yup, that is seriously what it is about. I'm not afraid to admit it. Admittedly, I did not know it was about that when I started reading it, but by the time my Kindle told me I was 15% into the book I was hooked. It got me thinking about how weird the concept of romance has gotten and how that same weird concept has infiltrated our work life as well and if it was a good thing or not.

 


I'd like to meet the first person that asked their significant other to marry them on an arena score board or the first person to YouTube a flash mob wedding proposal. I'd like to meet them and punch them in the face. (It may sound mean but it is what it is.

This happens SO much, there is even an infographic on the set costs of doing such a thing. So much for original

This happens SO much, there is even an infographic on the set costs of doing such a thing. So much for original


When those people did that, they changed everything because they made proposals this massive event that now has no originality, no meaning and forces people to think bigger and bigger is their only option. (If you asked someone to marry you in this form, I'm not talking about you, you didn't have a choice, it was expected so I understand. I'm mad at the 1st person who did it, they are on my list.) Now we live in a world of awkward white guys dancing to impress their wife and relatives at the reception and millions of judging spectators on YouTube. 

You are probably now wondering, what in the world I am talking about. Modern romance has turned us into braggadocious show boating competitive weirdo's. It isn't just with potential lifemates either. All of the sudden we are trying to do the same thing at work. 

We apply for jobs online with a thousand other yahoo's for the same role. A computer picks up if we chose the right generic words to win the interview lottery. Then we chat with an HR person that often times hasn't been provided any real information on the role. If you pass this step you then get to meet with 1 to 20 other people on the team to determine if you are a fit for the role. There is no timeline provided, call backs are never when they say they will be, nobody responds to your thank you email, voicemail or thank you card, even though it is an expected practice. So basically we do all of these things just to play the game. What this means, is that the idea of "modern romance" or technology has quite literally turned getting a new job into winning the employment lottery.

I sound bitter, I know but maybe I am. I have been helping a lot of people lately to find jobs and the responses and experiences I hear about are appalling. These are seriously qualified people with good resumes, good personalities and everything else you would expect from someone you wanted to hire. Now being qualified isn't enough. You need your own career flash mob. Full disclosure, you probably shouldn't do a flash mob for an HR department. 

So I guess the question is, what would be the equivalent to a wedding proposal flash mob for our careers? How do we let people know who we are and what we have to offer in a compelling "man I gotta hire this kid right away" kind of way?

Some people do have some pretty interesting ideas from sandwich boards saying "hire me", taking out ads, video resume's etc. In some small cases, that works, but it isn't a guarantee. I am not sure I know the answer but...I will say this. Maybe this type of crazy idea job hunting will lose its luster. Maybe we are in the down slide of schemes and tactics to get a job and we are moving up towards good old fashioned hard word, dedication and drive...I said MAYBE, which probably reinforces the fact that I have no clue what the answer is. That reinforces the fact that maybe this post doesn't have its plot wrapped up in a nice bow.

Let's bring it back to the beginning and the idea of a flash mob wedding proposal. How many stories that start that way end with a 50th wedding anniversary? This is not meant as a judgement more of a hypothesis. When you start something as life altering as a marriage or a job it is special. You are learning new things every day, you get butterflies, there is always something new and exciting to talk about and share. All of that means that there isn't a need for any flashy addition to make it better, it's already awesome.


As time goes by, in a marriage or a job things start to settle, they become a little more routine, the quirks we used to love now make the hair on our neck raise up. THIS is when we need a scoreboard proclamation of love. This is when we need to be reminded why we are there. This may be easy to imagine in relation to a marriage or love, a tad harder maybe for a job. I see i like this, fancy resume's and big bold gestures may in fact get someone's attention at a place of employment, they may even get you in to a job but getting in is only the first step. Once you're in is when the hard work really begins and unless you are always at score board level or above, the expectation you created isn't being met. You have to do more and more to be seen and recognized for your work and it is usually at this point when people start to not like the job they so publicly fought to get.


I think it is time to bring some real romance back to our lives. It is time for us to do the work that gets us scene, recognized and adored. Modern romance? I'll take good old fashioned "till death do us part" kind of romance and get a career instead of a job. 

no flash mob or scoreboard required.

"the power and blessing of being a woman"

Excerpt from Regina King's Emmy speech (video below)

Excerpt from Regina King's Emmy speech (video below)

In a shock to everyone I know, I missed the Emmy's this year. It is a shock because I am actually known for my Award Show parties. Sadly, this meant that I had to watch clips afterwards, What really makes this sad is the fact that it really felt like the Year of the Woman (again), at least from social media and traditional media following the event.

Obviously everyone has been talking about the speech made by Viola Davis which and for good reason, it was beautiful, poignant and thought provoking. It aligned so clearly with not just the issues of women of color on television and movies but the entire culture of race continue as a global community to perpetuate. Between the increasing racial tensions in our country with regard to law enforcement to the Syrian Refugee Crisis we remain a world where hate spreads.

If you were to ask most people if they are filled with hate or are prejudiced against other people, they will say no. Nobody admits to being hateful. They make excuses for what they do based on a variety of experiences, religion, history etc. Think about it, most people will admonish the atrocities of World War II and the concentration camps or the Civil Rights Movement yet so many are standing by and watching as the refugees are hit with fire hoses and dogs or another video of a black American being beaten or killed by an officer of the law. 

So what does all of this have to do with the title of this post?

The other speech that impacted me but got less coverage was that of Regina King. Her speech was not necessarily out of the ordinary for an acceptance speech except for her seemingly very sincere shock at having won. There was one section/line though that stopped me.


It is a small but powerful sentence that I haven't been able to get my mind off of it since. It seems that we hear and see in the media a lot of the negatives and burdens of being a woman but rarely see the "power and blessing" being extolled. It is why I think this phrase needs more attention.

I study, speak and educate on women and it took me a minute to determine if I had ever expressed the power and blessing I feel being a woman. My stomach dropped as I realized that I don't honor that enough. Women are the most powerful force in the globe. Many will argue with me I am sure but let's really think about here.

  • 1st and foremost we are the caretakers of the world. Without women, our children wouldn't become healthy and contributing adults to society. Women literally are raising the future.

  • We are responsible for 80% of all purchases

    • advertiser's want our money

  • We have a seat at the table - in some cases at the head of the table

  • We are big in numbers and we are good at organizing around a cause

  • we have more women in high places

  • the power to influence - in my mind, women are the most influential people and yet in the past have never received credit for this 

  • We are educated 

    • 70% of all high school valedictorians are women

    • 62% of all associates degrees

    • 57% of all bachelors degrees

    • 63% of masters degrees

    • 53% doctoral degrees

now that is power...


So that is the power of being a woman, let's talk about the blessings.

It's a blessing because we have a voice and using that voice is changing the world in big ways. I feel blessed to call myself a woman when I see all of the amazing things women are doing. I feel blessed to be/have:

  • We are blessed enough to live in a time where we can get educated and fight for a career, a family and more and there is power in all of that

  • lots of conversations around women and girls now

  • to have a voice

  • empathetic to others

  • to be a caretaker

  • to be able to like sports and wear nail polish at the same time

I totally burnt the cookies. It is probably good for everyone that I am not a cook.

I totally burnt the cookies. It is probably good for everyone that I am not a cook.

  • that women in my generation earn more than our mother's and grandmother's on average and get to spend that money the way we want and still are selfless enough take care of everyone around us

  •  I don't have to wear heels to cook in ( I actually don't have to cook) but I can

  • I can do anything I want but I don't have to do anything I don't want to do


Some of the girls from Marymount School for Girls after our discussion on Purpose, Passion & Drive

Some of the girls from Marymount School for Girls after our discussion on Purpose, Passion & Drive

The real blessing in my life is that I get to help other girls and women by sharing my experiences

There is power and blessings in being whoever we are and it is imperative that we dig in to realize what it means to us so that we can celebrate and express gratitude for who and what we are. Once we realize our own blessings we can be more empathetic to others and open up opportunities for people who don't have them; whether it is welcoming refugees into our country and caring for them, volunteering our time to help others or opening up roles for women of color and other individuals in our art. You may say these have nothing to do with each other but the do. The art that these women do open our eyes to the experiences of others.


Quick tip, be sure to look up the show Regina won her Emmy for, American Crime. It was an amazing look inside ALL sides of a single situation and the struggles we still see around race and gender in this country.