sisters

never trust a man in a shiny shirt & more sisterly advice

Oh, hey! Couldn't get enough of the sisterly advice so you came back? YES? NO? IF no then go back and read it so you can catch up. What are you waiting for?sisterly advice part 1

And now for part 2 and the next 5 tips...

never go to a doctor whose office plants have died

The meaning behind this should be obvious.  I mean, dead plants probably equal a few dead patients or so, but heck what do I know.

As a side note, this does not however mean you are expected to keep plants alive.  Jeez, you're young and busy.  Who has time to keep fancy plants alive?  Pick up a cactus and call it a day.


never compare your inside with someone else’s outside

People are liars.  They pretend all of the time.  It isn’t right but it is reality.  If you know what you want based on you and only you, it is easy to stop the comparison game.  Who cares what the Kardashian’s are wearing or what Diddy is driving.  Eventually they’re all going to try and copy your style anyway so as Kevin Hart would say “stay in your own lane”  that is how you will win the race.


never trust a man in a shiny shirt

I actually tell any and everyone I know this piece of advice and some simply laughed it off.  But I am here to tell you this is solid advice.It shows poor judgement to dress like that so it begs the question "where else do they show bad judgement?"

It is up to you to judge the level of shininess to allow but below is what I deem as off limits:

shiny shirts are always a bad idea

shiny shirts are always a bad idea

  • Sequins

  • Gold lame

  • Crushed velvet

  • Leather – either as a shirt of pants – vest and jackets are okay in most instances

  • Feathers

  • Ed Hardy and brands like it.


yes, those are pretty amazing underoos that I am wearing

yes, those are pretty amazing underoos that I am wearing

always wear clean underpants

Mother's have been saying it for years and I am convinced thy are right. You should also take special care to ensure you can lunge in them. It allows you to be ready for anything that the day brings

BONUS ADVICE:  Maybe don't lunge in your underroos while wearing a super hero outfit and let people take pictures


never play truth or dare unless you are willing to be completely naked

no further description needed and no picture either. Jeez, just who do you think I am?

Ok, that was your second chance to take some pretty good sisterly advice. Come back Friday for the final 5 and share it with others. We can all use a little advice now and then. Pick your faves or share them all.

the comparison game

When I was younger, one of the things I spent most of my time on was tearing myself down. I didn’t need anyone around to do it. I was quite good at it. In fact I carried a black belt in it, even had the WWF championship belt given to those that are able to knock themselves out. At the time, I honestly thought I was the only one in the entire world who felt this way. As a pre-teen I would hide in the back of my closet with magazines, notebooks and journals that I would then fill with words to outline all of the ways in which I didn’t measure up.

I would compare myself to most anybody but more often than not I chose to compare myself to my siblings. I am the oldest of six. The gap is 14 years between the oldest and youngest. Each one of them has veritable cornucopia of amazing and unique things about them. I was always the proud “big” sister that would show up to every play, choir concert, soccer game, taekwondo practice etc. and aside from my Mom, I am pretty sure I was the loudest cheerleader that was there.

My comparison was not one of malice. It was jealousy, of course, but it was the kind of jealousy that made me think I didn’t measure up. They did all of these wonderful things and all I did was, well in my mind I did nothing. I became one of those people that was constantly on a search for “my talent”. From as far back as I can remember, every one of my siblings just had something special about them. They were all talented. 

My brother is an artist who would blow your mind. No joke, he doesn’t just draw, he builds things, and basically is good at everything he attempts. Add to this his quick wit and old people love him. Well lots of people love him but especially old people. I have no idea why.


There is my brother who was a second degree black belt before Jr High. He was a multi-sport athlete in high school and is maybe the most charming person you will ever meet. He is witty and knows how to turn a phrase like no other.


I have a sister who is a championship roller-skater, cheerleader, dancer and fashion savant. She has the most positive natural energy and loyalty of anyone you will ever meet and doesn’t give up on anything ever.


My brother was a basketball phenom. He was the kid people loved to watch play and my Dad loved to coach. He has this natural ability that seemed to appear straight from the womb. He's hungry to learn as much as he can about people & takes chances in his life more than most.


My sister, the comedienne & writer. She'll read this & roll her eyes but she is the smartest person I know and sees the world as whole. She uses humor & words to understand & explore the world. Nobody can make you laugh like her. Don’t even get me started about her Ralph Machio impression.


Did I mention that they also all happen to be really really really good looking? Like Zoolander good looking?

So imagine me, the first one, the oldest, a pasty, scrawny girl with fluffy blonde hair and eczema all over. (umm, yes that is a real pre-teen picture of me on Valentines Day and yes I see the outfit.) I was/am loud, chatty and bossy but I brought no “talent” to the team. I was the bench player who was great at cheering and bringing everyone their sweat towels to feel part of the team but I was never going to get to play. I spent many a conversation crying to my mother and asking her “why am I not good at anything, why don’t I have a talent?”

“But you do. You’re talent is business.” She would say as she stroked my hair to calm me down. It didn’t work.

“That is not a talent” I would inevitably yell. Of course I didn’t storm out because who is gonna leave when their Mom is playing with their hair? I was sad not dumb.


If I could so clearly see everything that they were good at why was it that I couldn’t recognize any talent within myself? Was I being too strict with my definition? Was I not seeing something that was there? 

The truth is, it is all about playing the comparison game. We compare ourselves to everyone else around us and use that to gauge how successful, talented and/or worthwhile we are. Most of the time we don't even know we are doing it. Research says there are a lot of reasons we do this:

  • comparison helps provide us a bar to reach for
  • we are socialized to compete with others not just in sport but in everything (think young school age girls and the hierarchy involved, think politics, think sports, you get the drift.)
  • lack of confidence
  • social media
  • etc. 

We have all heard some version of the saying "don't compare your worst day with someone else's best day" or worse yet with their social media best day. It's not real. We not only compare ourselves to everyone but we compare them on stuff that isn't even real.

We now curate our lives into our own story and the version of fabulous we use is rarely accurate in its retelling.

So let's stop already. Easier said than done right? Well, maybe not. Maybe if we take what learned on Negative Bias and apply it here it could actually help us reduce our need to compare. Think of it this way, if we are focusing on the positive things in our lives we are bound to find our purpose. When we find our purpose we live a happier life. When we live a happier life we don't have a reason to compare because we see, honor and respect the amazing things we have.

So...have I stopped comparing myself to my siblings? Most of the time, yes. I slip every once in awhile, because they really are amazing. But...finding my purpose and passion changed everything. I like what I'm doing, who I am and who I have around me. It's a pretty dope feeling so I have decided to own that and let them own their awesomeness as well.

Oh, and by the way, I did find my talent and while business is great and I am glad to have a head for it. My talent is what I was put on this earth for. Want to know what it is? Read the "DO" section on this website. How do you battle the comparison game? Tell me in the comments below?

 


SOURCES:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/margaret-paul-phd/self-worth_b_2855751.html

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/30/how-to-break-out-of-the-comparison-trap/

she is cloaked in strength...

Happy Motivational Monday! This post is for all my strong women out there trying to move mountains.The key is to start within, believe in what we are capable of and realize that not everyone needs to like us. We, on the other hand have to like ourselves. And why wouldn't we? 

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Have you seen us lately?

We are smart, but not that unapproachable smart, more like the kind of smart that puts people at ease and makes them tell us their stories. Because of this level of intelligence, we are also blessed with humor, like laugh out loud funny but also that sly witty type of humor that surprises people, drives their curiosity and makes it impossible to skip our name on any invitation list. It's not a party with out us. 


We are cloaked in strength that lifts, encourages and builds. It is a quiet strength that doesn't boast. It is seen in surprising places to others, but deep down we have always known it is there if we ever needed it. Often we use it for everyone but ourselves which makes it easy to forget but take a look, it is there. When we see it, we need to take it out, for us. It is this strength that will push us through.


Have you looked in the mirror, I mean really looked? We are gorgeous, maybe not super model gorgeous but that's because super model looks, aren't real. We are real. We share our beauty in our smile, our eyes, our lines and our curves. It makes other's sing songs, write poetry and know what love is. It's not contrived or airbrushed, it is pure, unique. It is us.


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So again, why wouldn't we like ourselves? Why wouldn't we love ourselves?  Truth is once we do...everything is possible. 


 

one last thing...

It helps to remember how phenomenal we are when we look at our phenomenal women. One of my favorite reminders in "Phenomenal Woman" by Maya Angelou. It is a must for any bookshelf. (click on the image to get your own copy.)